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How do i get over my wife cheated on me

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So what do you do when you find out that your wife has cheated or is cheating on you? Infidelity is possibly one of the most painful things to go through in a relationship. The betrayal of trust, the hurt, the anger, the feeling that you have somehow failed or driven her to it — these are all torturous to experience and not something you can really prepare for. But if you find yourself having to figure out how to handle things after your wife cheats on you and needing to figure out what to do next , there are a number of things to consider. First, take a deep breath.

SEE VIDEO BY TOPIC: What To Do When Your Loved One Cheats On You??? - Sadhguru About Relationships -

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SEE VIDEO BY TOPIC: HOW TO GET OVER YOUR EX INSTANTLY - NO HOPE THEORY - BREAKUP PSYCHOLOGY

8 Tips for Coping When Your Partner Is Unfaithful

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I have been married for 15 years and we have three children. I always considered our marriage to be rock solid, but last year I found some intimate texts and emails between my wife and an old boyfriend of hers, and she eventually admitted that she had seen him several times.

On at least one occasion, when I was overseas, they had sex. I was predictably shocked and devastated, she was tearful and ashamed. She blamed a midlife crisis - she is 45 - and promised to devote the rest of our married life to making me happy. She also swore never to contact him again, but I checked her mobile intermittently and found his number on it a few months later. She told me that she had just wanted him to know how much damage their relationship had done to our marriage.

Much of that harm has now been repaired. We told hardly anyone, our sex life is better than ever, and it does not feel as if we need counselling. Yet I am still haunted daily by the image of her with another man, and by memories of the happy family holiday we had around that time, which now feels tainted by what she disingenuously describes as a "horrible" secret.

She hates me bringing up the subject because it fills her with "self-loathing", but 10 months on, her infidelity still occupies my mind. I still love her deeply, and have no real fears for the future, but I am tormented by the past. I went through a similar experience about 10 years ago and I believe that there is no quick fix to your situation - it is inevitably painful to recover from such a betrayal. Despite the anger and distress I felt when I found out that my wife had been unfaithful, I decided that I still loved her.

She was repentant - as your wife seems to be - and she did her best to work at our marriage. It was important for us both to make a commitment to our future together to get past what had happened. The next three years were difficult though, and I frequently alluded to the impact her actions had had on me. Regrettably, I had a "revenge" fling, which led to my wife becoming depressed. It was probably only our Christian faith and the children that kept us together at that stage.

We both had some counselling to help us focus on what we both wanted. Time does heal, and I can genuinely say that the wounds have pretty much gone. Thankfully, my wife has recovered from her depression and our marriage is better than ever. Ten months is not that long - give yourselves more time to save your marriage. There are many advantages to being in a good marriage, but both partners are still individuals, whose emotional needs are not always fulfilled, especially when they are unable to communicate with one another.

Obsession is destructive and stultifying. It prevents us from moving on from the grief and pain, and stops us from thinking objectively about how to solve our problems. When your mind is occupied with images of the affair, distract yourself with more positive thoughts. Try to see your wife's infidelity as a wake-up call - harness its power to teach you both a great deal about your marriage and to strengthen your relationship.

I feel for you because this happened to me some years ago. My partner had an affair that lasted several years, and I discovered it was happening quite by chance. He and I have a better life together now because he was shocked at what he learned about himself as a result of being unfaithful. He saw the effect it had on me and realised that our marriage nearly ended as a result of it. However, he has moved on and forgiven himself, whereas the question of me forgiving him never really occurred to me since I imagined that it must somehow have been partly my fault that he had strayed.

I have tried to think of what he did in terms of human weakness and have reflected on the fact that none of us is perfect. Although I try not to refer to the affair, not a day goes by when I don't feel a sense of grief and hurt well up inside me; it really is like a bereavement. What is lost is the past as one thought it was, but at least we still have the future. Try looking at yourself and your own attitudes, feelings and actions, rather than just at your wife's infidelity.

Blame and guilt are very destructive in a relationship, and if you cling on to this resentment, you risk losing her. If you really love her, then let what has happened go, and focus on the good things you have still got together. Wrench your mind away from the images that are haunting you and show your wife you trust her by staying away from her mobile phone. You have to put this behind you if you want your marriage to have a future.

Of course you were shocked and devastated - so was I when a similar thing happened to me - but beware of taking the moral high ground.

When I was in a similar position, I realised that we were both responsible for the past, and that the future of our marriage was a joint project too. The agony eased as a result. I would not have chosen that time as a route to happiness, but I can't regret what we both learned about living with one another as a result.

Despite your attempts to convince yourself that all is well between the two of you now, the harm caused by your wife's affair has not yet been repaired. If it had, you would not feel the need to check her mobile, she would not feel compelled to remind her old boyfriend of their liaison, and you would not suspect her of being disingenuous when she tries to let you know how she is feeling.

The reasons you give to justify your belief that the damage has been mended are not very convincing. Hiding a problem from those around you neither increases nor decreases the chances that you will work things out.

An individual may still need professional help even if he does not feel that it is necessary. And although a good sex life does improve a relationship, it is not by itself proof that a marriage is healthy or mutually beneficial.

Indeed, the difference that you have noticed in your sex life may simply be because you find your wife more desirable now that you know she is desired by someone else.

You are preoccupied with the affair because you have not yet allowed yourself to process fully the implications of what happened. I suspect that you are a very logical person, and you assume that because you have dealt with things in a rational manner, and that you each had an emotional outburst at the outset - you were "predictably shocked and devastated" and your wife was "tearful and ashamed"- everything should now be all right.

In truth, with an event of this emotional magnitude, that was only the beginning. If you wish to grow from what happened, rather than let the affair create ever more barriers between you, you need to take action. You need to become aware of the ways in which you have not been communicating your needs and desires clearly to one another, and to discuss how you have been failing to meet these satisfactorily. A good couples therapist can help you through this process.

It is important that you regard this as something you both feel equally responsible for, even though only one of you was unfaithful. This is about accepting responsibility for the future.

In addition to your work together, I suggest you find a good counsellor for yourself. You would feel much more confident, and you would be freer to express the depth of your own feelings, if you learn to recognise and accept the strength of those emotions, and understand why you are so afraid to be seen as vulnerable.

An experienced analytic or cognitive analytic therapist would be best placed to help you. In a committed, long-term relationship, an affair will either drive the couple further apart or it will impel them to discover how to communicate more deeply, and respond to one another in a more fulfilling way than ever before. I hope you will find the courage to take thelatter course. I am a student and have been sharing a house for six months with four other people.

We all get on well, but one issue is causing disharmony. It may sound trivial, but one of my housemates keeps piles of dirty plates and cutlery - ours as well as his own - in his room for weeks on end. At times, we have been left with only two clean plates between the five of us.

We are reluctant to retrieve things from his room, which is squalid and smells terrible. My housemates threatened to keep their kitchen stuff locked in their rooms, which he protested was ridiculous. He makes us feel as if we are the unreasonable ones. He seems incapable of accepting any responsibility for keeping the house in order and never apologises for the inconvenience he causes, claiming that life is harder for him as he failed his previous year at university and is having to repeat it.

We have talked to him and written him notes, but nothing works. Apart from anything else, he is frequently ill and I have no doubt that this is because of the condition of his room. I want this mess to end for his own good as well as ours. He is a lovely, popular guy, and I don't want to fall out with him but he consistently evades his share of household tasks, while refusing to change his habits.

You are invited to respond to this week's main problem. If you would like fellow readers and Linda Blair to answer a dilemma of yours, send us an outline of the situation of around words. For advice from Pamela Stephenson Connolly on sexual matters, send us a brief description of your concerns. All correspondence should reach us by Tuesday morning: email private.

Can you help? Give yourself more time I went through a similar experience about 10 years ago and I believe that there is no quick fix to your situation - it is inevitably painful to recover from such a betrayal. H, York View it as a wake-up call There are many advantages to being in a good marriage, but both partners are still individuals, whose emotional needs are not always fulfilled, especially when they are unable to communicate with one another.

JF, Argyll It is like a bereavement I feel for you because this happened to me some years ago. Name and address withheld Focus on the good things Try looking at yourself and your own attitudes, feelings and actions, rather than just at your wife's infidelity.

AL, via email Beware the moral high ground Wrench your mind away from the images that are haunting you and show your wife you trust her by staying away from her mobile phone. Name and address withheld What the expert thinks: Linda Blair Despite your attempts to convince yourself that all is well between the two of you now, the harm caused by your wife's affair has not yet been repaired.

Next week: Our housemate is not pulling his weight I am a student and have been sharing a house for six months with four other people. What can we do? Topics Life and style Private lives. Reuse this content. Most popular.

After the Affair – How to Forgive, and Heal a Relationship From Infidelity

But social scientists do know that rates of infidelity have risen steadily over the past decade. That cheating occurs is no surprise; the why, however, is always a bit more surprising. How can you cope with suspicions of cheating, and how can you manage the aftermath of a confessed affair? Eric S.

Not one bit. That ONE realization was enough to send shock waves through the foundation of what you thought was a happy marriage.

You've probably wondered before, "If my husband cheated on me, what would I do? Bankrupt him? Never let him see our kids again? Sure, that's what we think we'd do.

Can You Get a Better Divorce Settlement If Your Spouse Cheated?

Infidelity happens for plenty of reasons. None of them good ones. It happens because of ego or stupidity or breakage. It happens because of arrogance or a lack of self-control or because of that thing in all of us that wants to feel adored or heroic or important or powerful or as though we matter. It happens because there is a moment that starts it all. One small, stupid, opportunistic moment that changes everything, but acts as though it will change nothing. And all the while these worlds, they feel so separate, but they become tangled and woven, one into the other, and then that real world with its real love and its real people are never the same again. Whatever the reason for an affair, the emotional toll on the people and the relationship is brutal.

Everything You Need To Know About Moving On After An Affair

With infidelity comes a feeling of grief, despair, and fear about your future. But this experience can mean a new beginning. You can pick up the pieces, recover, and emerge stronger than ever. After finding out about the affair , your first thought is probably that your marriage may be over. Instead of giving up on the marriage, you may find that talking things out resolves the underlying issues that led to the cheating.

If you are a man who cares about your wife and marriage, it can be devastating if your wife cheats on you.

I have been married for 15 years and we have three children. I always considered our marriage to be rock solid, but last year I found some intimate texts and emails between my wife and an old boyfriend of hers, and she eventually admitted that she had seen him several times. On at least one occasion, when I was overseas, they had sex.

Surviving betrayal: 11 ways to get over an affair

Even though you know that cheating is surprisingly common in marriage just grab the latest People Magazine if you need a reminder , you never think that it will happen to you…until it does. According to TruthAboutDeception. While many couples decide to try to save their marriage after infidelity is discovered, cheating is also one of the top reasons couples list for getting divorced.

First, you need to give yourself permission to feel everything: bitterness, sorrow, confusion, rage in moderation. But at some point you need to move on and not let the affair define you. Below, experts on the subject of infidelity share their best advice for letting go and starting over after an affair. How am I going to move forward anyway? That means figuring out the logistics of divorce Where are you going to stay?

How to Get Over My Wife’s Affair

Finding out that your partner has been unfaithful can hit you like a ton of bricks. Your marriage may be thrown into a state of crisis that may destroy it. It is natural to want to know why your partner cheated, but there is rarely a simple answer to why someone becomes unfaithful. It could be a symptom of other problems in your marriage, it could relate to something in your partner's past, or it could be totally unrelated to you or to your marriage. No matter the cause, you'll have a lot of complicated feelings to sort through, and a lot to think about as you decide how to move forward. These eight tips can help you cope with the aftermath of betrayal:. Shock, agitation, fear, pain, depression, and confusion are normal.

Jan 31, - But social scientists do know that rates of infidelity have risen steadily over the past decade. That cheating occurs is no surprise; the why, however.

Michelle Jones always assumed that if she caught a boyfriend or spouse cheating that would be the end of the relationship. Then the unthinkable happened. The San Francisco mom discovered a hidden cache of emails from her husband to another woman. When you've been cheated on, the first thing to decide is whether to go through the grueling and often painful process of putting your relationship back on track, experts say.

Surviving betrayal: 11 ways to get over an affair

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My wife cheated on me and I just can’t get over it

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My Wife Cheated on Me. But I Can’t Afford to File for Divorce.

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Comments: 3
  1. Meztibar

    It is very valuable information

  2. Sarn

    On mine, it not the best variant

  3. Nimi

    Should you tell you on a false way.

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